We all want to build and maintain close friendships and ot intimate relationships. One of the skills necessary for maintaining close friendships is conflict management. Conflict is a normal part of life. It is usually caused when the ideals of two or more parties (such as individuals or groups) clash. Such a clash then leads to disappointment and, often, outright anger. When researching the sources of anger, many experts will narrow down the list to unfilled expectations or blocked goals. However, conflict management is as much about regulating and negotiating minor irritations as cataclysmic collisions of independent wills. This article is about the minor irritants that may leave nerves raw and ripe for heated conflict that can have an adverse effect on your close friendships.

Recently, I purchased a new set of glasses. This purchase was long overdue as the capacity to adequately see through my old pair of spectacles had been diminishing for some time. In the three days after I acquired my new lenses, the arms slowly began rubbing against my ears in a way that my old set never did. As the rubbing persisted, I could feel myself becoming more and more aggravated and my mood shifting from pleasant to cranky. Finally, I found myself inadvertently snapping at my loved ones for minor offenses. This event reminded me that anger is more than a result of blocked goals or unfulfilled expectations. Anger is aided and abetted by little, nearly undetectable irritants.

What are some of the small nagging things that affect your mood? Learning to identify the underlying reasons for blowing your top could help you anticipate times when you are less likely to be amiable or friendly. Some of the other irksome causes of my anger include:

1. Soar eyes,

2. Cold or allergy symptoms,

3. Aching muscles, and

4. Persistent noise.

Along with all of these are two more circumstances that I have observed that add to tension. They are (a) the constant barrage of negative words or sentiments and (b) withdrawals that come in the wake of an exercise program.

When my wife and I lived in our first apartment in Long Beach, California, we had the unfortunate opportunity to over hear some of what happened in some of the other tennants' units. There were two couples in particular that unexpectedly caught our attention on a regular basis. In each case the husband or boyfriend would stay home while the wife or roommate went out to work. Those were the quiet times. On the occasions when the wives did not go to work, they would rant and rave at their live in mate two, three even four hours at a time. This kind of constant verbal abuse can lead to anger. As patient as the men tried to be, sometimes, anger would mount and emotions would boil over.

Lastly, anger can be heightened two or three days following rigorous exercise. Usually, workouts allow a person to expend large amounts of energy. However, I have noticed that if I do not continue to work out, two or three days later I become much more aggressive which can also lead to angry outbursts.

Anger can kill close friendships. Generally, anger is a result of frustration caused by blocked goals and unfulfilled expectations. However, anger can also be the result of minor irritations that grate against your nerves. This article has been written to discuss some of those other underlying stimulus that can lead to conflict and anger and destroy even your best relationships.

What about you? What things grate against your nerves and leave you ripe for a fight? Identifying those things and being aware of them when they arise will go a long way at helping you avoid unnecessary conflict and maintain ties with your closest friends.

Unfortunately, conflict with other people even loved ones is inevitable. In fact, a Cambodian proverb says, "You're not a close friend if you never have conflict."

Since conflict is unavoidable it is helpful to be instructed in effective conflict resolution techniques. The authors of the following resources have put in countless hours to understand the nature of forgiveness and mending broken relationships in order to give you practical steps on how to resolve conflict with lasting results.